Archive Page 2 of 19

A disgrace to the Basketball Hall of Fame….

Published by flohtingPoint on March 20, 2008 in NBA. 2 Comments

“Mint Pussy. Probably one of THE worst Ben and Jerry’s flavors ever!” - Kenny, Rescue Me

http://horsetoothed.com/worst-hall-of-fame-wide-receiver-of-the-modern-area/

Back in late November, I wrote the article above, stating that Lynn Swann has no business being in the NFL Hall of Fame (something I will hold true until my life is ripped from me). Today, we’re here to tackle another individual who should be thrown out of a Hall of Fame, the Basketball Hall of Fame.

Like with the Lynn Swann article, I’m going to give some players and their stats and you point out the hall of famer(s).

Player 1 (Center, 3rd round pick out of Notre Dame)
——————
-1068 career games
-13790 career points (12.9 ppg)
-10400 career rebounds (9.7 rpg)
-965 career blocks (.9 avg)
-84% career free throw percentage
-50% career field goal percentage
-Career PER of 16.1
-Two time NBA Champion
-Four time NBA All Star
-Led the league in rebounding one year
-12 straight double-double seasons

Player 2 (Center, 1st overall pick out of UCLA)
——————
-468 career games
-6215 career points (13.3 ppg)
-4923 career rebounds (10.5 rpg)
-1034 career blocks (2.2 avg)
-66% career free throw percentage
-52% career field goal percentage
-Career PER of 20
-Two time NBA Champion
-Finals MVP
-NBA MVP
-Sixth Man Award
-Two time NBA All Star
-Led the league in rebounding one year
-Led the league in blocks one year
-Four straight double double seasons

Player 3 (Center, 7th round pick out of Jacksonville)
——————
-1329 career games
-24941 career points (18.8 ppg)
-16330 career rebounds (12.3 rpg)
-3179 career blocks (2.4 avg)
-70% free throw percentage
-58% field goal percentage
-Career PER of 21.4
-One time ABA Champion
-ABA Playoffs MVP
-ABA MVP
-ABA All Star Game MVP
-ABA Rookie of the Year
-Five time ABA All Star
-Six time NBA All Star
-Led the ABA in four times
-Led the ABA in total blocks three times
-All time ABA total block leader (4th all time for NBA/ABA)
-13 total double-double seasons
-Averaged over 20ppg six times

Ok, who are your MVP’s?

Well, player 1 is none other than one of the former Bad Boys, Bill Laimbeer. Bill enjoyed 15 long years in the NBA, making the playoffs nine times and the finals three times (champion twice). Constantly underrated his entire career, Bill continues to be underrated as he will probably never sniff Hall of Fame consideration. In fact, the only way I see Bill ever getting into the Hall, is if he dies in some fashion that generates mass commotion (ala Sean Taylor), and then he’ll get the sympathy vote-in (the same way that Pat Tillman is getting into the College Football Hall of Fame).

Player 2 is the original Horsetooth, Bill Walton. Bill had 1 above average year and two excellent years with Portland, then he might as well have died in a plane crash. His legs gave out on him and he started hobbling all over the court (think Chris Webber, only much more crippled). Known for his Ross-like Wafro and lumberjack beard, Bill walked into the hall of fame for two reasons, John Wooden and Red Auerbach. Playing for organizations run by those two already grants you fame, but playing for both, well thats just golden. Yea, I know about his college player of the year awards, but if the Hall of Fame gave you entry for extreme college excellency, then Danny Manning should be a shoe-in.

“Give me 18 months. I’ll give you a career,” said Alonzo Harris to Jake Hoyt in Training Day, but he might as well have been speaking to Bill Walton. That short time in Portland and then playing for the Celtics gave him a free pass into the Basketball Hall of Fame and also earned him a place on Adrian Dantley’s list of people to kill.

Player 3 is the A-Train, Artis Gilmore. Despite all of Artis’ achievements, you might be surprised to know that Artis is currently ineligible for the Basketball Hall of Fame. It will be 2012 before he gets another crack at earning a place in the Naismith because for three straight years Artis received no votes at all… An 11 time All Star, MVP, Playoffs MVP and ABA Champion could not get a single vote. Through the years, Gilmore has gotten to watch fellow ABA’ers Rick Barry, Dr. J the Iceman and Connie Hawkins make their way into 1000 West Columbus Avenue, but still no love for him. Perhaps if you threw a tied-dye shirt on him, bleached his skin and had him play for two media beloved basketball teams he could squeak in…

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The guy who directed The English Patient is dead, and we dont give a fuck…

Published by flohtingPoint on March 19, 2008 in March Madness, NCAA and NBA. 2 Comments

“I say we grease this rat-fuck, son of a bitch right now” - Hudson, Aliens

During my daily early morning “hand in pants while web surfing and not doing any work” routine, I made my way to yahoo.com to see if they have any more dirt on Reggie Bush. While cruising their other news sections, I saw that the guy who directed the most boring fucking movie I’ve ever painfully sat through kicked the bucket. Fuck him, his shitass movie and his current trip down the River Styx because you know this bitch is going straight to Hades for assembling that fuck-face-fiesta.

Holy fuck that’s a shitload of arm hair…
It’s a good thing you’re dead Anthony,
as it was only a matter of time before that shit
branched out and bonded together to form massive
hairy tentacles, leaving you looking like the Cthulhu.

Anyway, in news that grown ass men actually give a fuck about, the NCAA Tournament kicks off tomorrow, but until then, we still have the NIT to look forward to… right? Wait, nope, I was wrong, people dont give a fuck about that either. Well, how about the Rockets finally losing a game after 22 straight wins? Yea, I find it hard to care about a team that is going no where in the long run too. Matt Ryan tossed the pigskin around for a while yesterday? I care more about tossing around my own pigskin while watching a Sarah Jay flick… Terrelle Pryor committed to Ohio State? Sweet, three years of overrated mediocrity and a trip or two to the National Championship where they’ll have their asses handed to them by someone from a real conference is in the near future for him.

So here it is, mark it down folks, March 19th, a date with no substance at all. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a lot of work to ignore. Stay tuned for tomorrow, where we’ll tackle the most overrated Basketball Hall of Famer and of course Friday is BIWMB day. Until then, like Lance Bass, I’m out.

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Back in the swing of things…

Published by flohtingPoint on March 18, 2008 in BIWMB, NFL and NBA. 4 Comments

“You will do as the Scorpions have done before you!” - Er, Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Fear not my ~~four~~ multitude of readers, for Horsetoothed.com is back in full effect. Yes, even now, I can hear the triumphant rejoice, loud enough to topple the walls of Jericho, about such an occasion. To be cliche for a moment, and state something every rapper on earth says at least once each album, thats right, “we’re back” (and when I mean “we’re back” I really mean “I’m back and Amaysing will type something once a month, like a blogtastic menstruation”).

Hanging out in ‘Bama and then fucking off all last week was fun, but now it’s time to return to what we do best, bitching about sports related shit and announcing fellow bloggers we’d love to defile like a Bang Bro’s film.

Lets see, what’s happened since we’ve been gone:

-Larry Fitzgerald reworked a new deal with the Cardinals, 4 years, 40 million (30 guaranteed), assuring the fact that he’ll get injured, then go to another team and be productive.

- The Oakland Raiders have acquired DeAngelo Hall and Javon Walker, thus assuring the fact that their cap space will be as fucked up as the New York Knicks has been for several years. Especially since they have the fourth pick in the draft this year.

-Johnathan Stewart, former Oregon Ducks running back has a boo-boo on his toe, leaving him out four to six months and saving some team from vastly overpaying him.

-Sam Cassell nailed a three last night in crunch time to give the Celtics a victory over San Antonio. The shot also gave ESPN another reason to think that Boston is anything other than playoff fodder. Sure, they’ll make it past the first round and perhaps the second, but the moment they cross spears with Detroit (the only real team from the East), they’re going to get abused.

-The Atlanta Hawks are in the playoff race in the East.

-Wait, what? The Atlanta Hawks?

-Yea, at 29-38, the Hawks are the 8th seed right now. Other championship quality teams from the east include the 33-33 Washington Wizards and the 33-34 Philadelphia 76ers.

-Over in the West, no team below 40 wins is in the playoff hunt.

-Nobody gives a fuck about these bullets, they just want to see the BIWMB that I didn’t post Friday because I’m a lazy asshole.

So, without further adieu, I present you with this weeks first BIWMB (I still have one planned for Friday too, I’m just playing catchup).

This days BIWMB (Blogger I Wouldn’t Mind Banging) is Julya Satir from Stockholm, Sweden. Yea, I fell back into it, Sweden called me right back. I hunted and hunted for something elsewhere, but when I saw this gorgeous piece of ass I could not help myself. With a fantastic rack and lips that look like they could latch on to your manhood like a vice, who wouldn’t want to conquer that?

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Finally Fucking Friday

Published by flohtingPoint on March 14, 2008 in Uncategorized. 2 Comments

And my day is packed… Look for two BIWMB’s next week. The Bama trip killed this weeks momentum. Luckily nobody gives a shit about Horsetoothed and we have no sponsors to say “fuck off” to.

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Archive Page 2 of 19

A disgrace to the Basketball Hall of Fame….

The guy who directed The English Patient is dead, and we dont give a fuck…

Back in the swing of things…

Finally Fucking Friday

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