“You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity…” - Bullet Tooth Tony, Snatch

Look “7 year old in the stands”, dont make me come up
there and shove that hotdog up your ass!

Dear Philip Rivers,

Allow me to start off by saying that I wont be too disappointed if you dont read this. We are, perhaps, the least read blog on the internet (outside of the Michael David Chapman fanclub).

Now that I got the pleasantries out of the way, on to the meat and potatoes.
Look, while I thought that your little… uh… tiff with Jay Cutler was remotely funny (mainly because nobody likes Jay Cutler anyway), this dumb shit with the fans and you going batshit all the time, like you’ve been jacking Shawne Merriman’s roid stash, has got to stop. If you continue down this path, you’ll become…

Meet Rudy Carpenter, Phil. Rudy is just fresh off getting tag team bowl-fucked by Hawaii and Texas, so you’ll have to excuse him if he inadvertently cuts the cheese every once in a while because his anus looks like the puss of a woman who’s given birth 10 times. Rudy was doing the “I’m a badass” thing LONG before you started in on this shit encrusted path. He gets into regular verbal battles with SUN DEVIL fans (yea, thats right, he yells at his own supporters), causing screaming matches outside of barber shops or across campus. What about when he’s on the road? Forget about it, he’s jawing at everything in sight, making him the asshole of the PAC-10.

Back in high school, Rudy was “going steady” with a young woman named Brynn Cameron. Figuring he probably had his future set in stone, he thought he had nothing to worry about. Wrong… Brynn later went on to become one of Matt Leinart’s 10,000 bitches at USC, yet instead of busting on her face Bang Bro’s style, he impregnated her and bailed… Rudy is now daddy #2, as last time I heard, he’s taking care of Matt’s little love-mistake and living with Brynn. Real winner right there.

Phil, you’re one of the few people in the NFL that I don’t really have a problem with, or make fun of on a constant basis, but unless you want to join the ranks of Rudy “I let my daddy fight my battle vs Sam Keller” Carpenter, I’d suggest taking it down a notch.

Begrudgingly Yours (because you’re the only QB left in the playoffs that I don’t hate),
flohtingPoint and the staff here at Horsetoothed.com

Horsetoothed.com’s BIWMB (Blogger I Wouldn’t Mind Banging):

Today’s BIWMB belongs to Manuela Pastore of Palermo, Italia. She’s ridiculous… I’d have to spend months saying Our Father’s and Hail Mary’s because of how carnal my knowledge would be. Yea, I miss traveling around my motherland of Italia, where I could splash on some olive oil, spray on my garlic scented Brut and pick up women.