Archive for the 'dumb blogger' Category

Just another manic Wednesday

Published by flohtingPoint on February 13, 2008 in dumb blogger and Bag of fuck. 4 Comments

“But let’s just forget about all of that. Let’s have a cup of tea, Mr. Hurst.” - Morty, Layer Cake

Got quite a bit on my plate today as far as work goes, so instead of a regular post, Horsetoothed.com will present you with another edition of “Dumbfuck Blogger”.

 

This installment of Dumbfuck Blogger features someone by the handle of “Hi-Tech Chic” from my very own St. Louis, Missouri. http://myboobjobjourney.blogspot.com/

ugly.gif

Hi-Tech Chic, while looking like Morty from Layer Cake just poured a pot of hot tea on her face, is also monumentally stupid. The kind of stupid that when you witness it, you feel worlds better about yourself. Don’t believe me, read on…

Three months ago, Hi-Tech Chic thought she’d solve all her life’s problems by getting a breast augmentation. While this procedure has been known to make many an unattractive female at least “do-able”, she forgot that it’s not the work of miracles. The picture above is one taken AFTER said boob job, and one can clearly see that she could have saved herself several thousand dollars AND accomplished the same desired effect by simply placing a Walmart bag over her head each day when she walked outside her home (maybe even a better effect).

Have we learned nothing from the death of Kanye West’s mother? Ugly fucking people, you’re doomed, give up. Best case scenario, you wind up looking like this sun baked pile of shit. Worst case, YOU FUCKING DIE. God obviously fucked you over for a reason and really doesn’t appreciate you trying to shit on his joke by getting cosmetic surgery.

The origins…

Published by flohtingPoint on January 9, 2008 in dumb blogger. 9 Comments

“When I hired you, I knew you were insane. I will continue to try and stop you from doing insane things, but once they’re done, trying to convince an insane person not to do insane things is, in itself, insane.” -Lisa Cuddy, House

The official count, with today’s post included, is flohtingPoint 22, Amaysing 12. Amaysing also hasn’t had a single post in over a month. BOOOO!!!!! But wait, you see, Amaysing works as a garbage man in Nashville, TN. He said the moment he saw the show Rock starring Charles S. Dutton, that he found his dream job. So yea, he has very little time for things not relating to your refuse and waste. He has, however left us with this one request:

People of Nashville, please stop shitting in your trashcans. Thank you.

Strong words from a strong man… Anyway, time to focus on getting this post done so I can log onto NashvillePoopers.com and laugh at his plight.

Horsetoothed.com, started eight months ago, mainly through Amaysing’s doing. Every once in a while I’d send out a massive, profanity filled email rant, which would prompt chuckles. Around that time, Amaysing would send me a regular email/text/phone call letting me know that I’m fucking retarded this type of shit should be saved on a webpage of some sort. Me, being the realist that I am, knew that nobody would give a fuck about it (which, by comment count in relation to how long we’ve been around, turned out to be true), but I finally gave in and gave him a call that went something like this…

flohtingPoint: Ok man, I’ll do this gayass blog thing. But I dont want it to be just me, I want it to be a group thing. This isn’t going to be Clarissa Explains It All up in this shit.

Amaysing: Fuck you for me getting my Furguson on…

flohtingPoint: What are we going to call this shit?

Amaysing: Two sports dudes?

flohtingPoint: Gay…

Amaysing: The football guys?

flohtingPoint: Gayer

Amaysing: Two guys and their balls?

flohtingPoint: I’m hanging up…

We didn’t decide on Horsetoothed for several days later, but yet here we are, 8 months strong and jam packed full of 34 tons of articles! Anyway, Amaysing has like 600 rough drafts saved in and needs to step up his post game.

Horsetooth’s Dumbfuck Blogger of the Day: Teri Davis Newman of St. Louis, MO. http://limobarbie.blogspot.com/

 

cougar8.jpg
When I saw the title for this pic was “cougar”, I choked on my Pepsi…

Meet Teri. Teri is a firm believer in the ownership and carry of firearms and loves to brag about it, especially the fact that she carries her gun in “No Firearm Zones” and that she is not afraid to shoot and kill children. If the above didn’t impress you, you should also know that she is the premiere expert on black people, discussing topics like why they smoke crack instead of do cocaine and how we messed up when emancipating the slaves. Don’t believe me, check out this killer quote:

We are bending over backwards to accommodate these AFRICAN-AMERICANS because a few hundred years ago, our ancestors exercised incredibly poor judgement by importing their ancestors without ever dreaming that this kind of crap would happen 150 years after the abolishment of slavery. They should have sent them all back to Liberia when they were freed–look at what the repatriated slaves sent to a country of their own accomplished in Liberia–NOTHING. They are killing each other in civil wars and starving to death with no schools, no industry and no future at the hands of warlords who spend all their spare time killing each other.

Teri, next time you take a picture in your white dress, you might as well include your white hood to go along with it. I’m really happy that I live downtown in a loft, because that means that shitfucks like you cannot burn a cross on the lawn I do not have. I really hope your concealed firearm you brag about carrying everywhere with you accidentally discharges.

BCS Masterpieces!

Published by flohtingPoint on January 2, 2008 in College Football, dumb blogger, Fuck USC and NCAA. 0 Comments

“BCS must stand for… Bad college stupid…” - Carl Brutananadilewski

Awesome… We are two games into the shitfest that is the BCS Bowls this year and everything is playing out exactly like I had predicted. It didn’t take a fucking genius to figure out that USC was going to obliterate Illinois or that Hawaii were going to get severely buttfucked by Georgia. How did anyone in their fucking right mind even ponder that either of these games could be somewhat entertaining?

Oh, you Colt Brennan fucking fans must be suffering the type of post traumatic stress disorder that the Virginia Tech students experienced after World War III erupted on their campus. It’s about time the world WOKE THE FUCK UP! Colt is a fucking loser, Hawaii blows, end of story. Where was your joke of a Heisman candidate yesterday? Tossing 3 picks and losing one fumble. Your undefeated season means doodly shit, now please go away and fuck yourself with a coconut. Enjoy your time in the CFL and I cant wait to see your stupid ass on FSN doing color commentary next to a fellow system quarterback, Andre Ware.


Bogus dude, did you see that totally heinous interception I just tossed!

At this moment in time I would like to send out a warning to the suckass team that is Kansas. Look at what has happened to the other BCS frauds! Get the fuck out of town, do not pass go, do not play in the Orange Bowl, just wave your white flag and accept your loss rather than putting us through another 40-10 BCS blow out. You have no business in the top 25, let alone playing with the big boys in the upper echelon of the ranking tier.

I’d like to send out a final “fuck you” to the BCS and the coaches and media reps who voted in the polls. Thanks, you bunch of cunt-cheesed shitfaces. I fully appreciate the blatant ignorance you put into putting together your ballots this year. Next year you should just place a few ballots under the goat that Tom Brady fucks, and whatever it pisses on will decide your voting procedure. Seriously, how fucking hard is it to put together a decent ballot while eating a bowl of corn flakes in the morning? USE YOUR FUCKING BRAIN, KANSAS, MIZZOU, ILL, ARIZONA STATE AND HAWAII HAD NO BUSINESS BEING IN THE TOP 10 THIS YEAR. You put them there, now were paying the price. Please contract the most volatile form of crotch rot the earth has to offer. I hate you, your fuckass offspring, your dumbshit parents for not losing their sex organs in a fire and your cocknosed neighbors for not brutally murdering your in your sleep.

Ok, its the new year, so lets kick it off with another edition of dumbfuck blogger of the day. This is one I’ve been saving for a while… Today’s moron is J.King of Arlington, Texas. J.King is 33 years old and… well I’ll let his profile do the talking:

I’m a Ninja, Also have been called a Thick headed Irish Mic. Born in Boston, Live now in Texas. I’m 33 and I have a ton of Guns, I love Beer and Animals, Especially My Dwarf Rabbit and Four Boston terriers. I own a 65 Ford Galaxie LTD and a house with a Pool, a ton of Action Figures and hold rank in a Secret ninja Organization. I am very much a Manly Man, like meet and Potatoes, Don’t Mind any body as long as you’re not a pansy ass sally. I think that about covers it. Oh and I Love Beer. The End


I’m straight gangsta’ homie, dont even think about steppin to my collection of Popples…

Horsetoothed hiatus

Published by flohtingPoint on December 19, 2007 in BIWMB, dumb blogger and Bag of fuck. 2 Comments

“I fucking hate Christmas” - Me, five seconds ago

With the holidays and everyone taking vacation time, work has been piling up like a motherfuck. Add in the fact that most of my time at home is spent listening to my batshit roommate get drunk and complain about this dead-end relationship she’s in, and that leaves little time to type shit into a web page that I’m not getting paid for. So with this in mind, Horsetoothed is on leave until ‘08. But fear not, you three loyal readers, I have parting gifts for you…

Meagan Marcotte of Phoenix, Arizona is the Horsetoothed “Blogger I Wouldnt Mind Banging” of the day (far left in the picture).

I really hate those big sunglasses on bitches, unless that bitch is Eva Angelina, but I can forgive her for the pure fact that this bitch does yoga. All the contortions you could put her through would make pretty much any ailment you’re experiencing dissipate. Got arthritis? Bend your bitch into a pretzel and fuck her while she’s standing on her head. Got the plague? Stuff both of this bitches feet in her mouth, then make passionate love to her foot arches.

On the flip side of this, I present you with Jared Anderson, also of Phoenix (yet his dumb ass put down “Afghanistan” as his country of origin).

Jared has a blog in which he talks about something he (along with 99% of the population of the planet) doesn’t have a fucking clue about. Music… Jared is one of those punk-bitch guitarists (and I use that term lightly), that doesn’t know shit about guitars. He’s a fan of the sonic vagina secretion known as “punk music”, which pretty much solidifies that he is stupid when it comes to gear/axes/theory/blahblahblah. This sack of dung traded in a Gibson Les Paul for a fucking Fender.  His reason?

 I used to play a Gibson Les Paul which was ok, but it was big and bulky and heavy and to butt rock for me.

Congrats there Jared.  You are the Horsetoothed “Dumbfuck Blogger of the Day”!  Please flush yourself.

« Older Entries