Archive for September, 2007 Page 2 of 3

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Understanding the Michael Vick Defense

Published by Amaysing1 on September 25, 2007 in Michael Vick and NFL. 0 Comments

Sick of Michael Vick?

I can respect that…

Think that Michael Vick is a grown man and should be responsible for his actions?

I can respect that…

Don’t understand why so many black people support Michael Vick?

…Let me explain

Atlanta, Georgia

This city is a city like none other. Black pride reigns supreme in this city. When I lived in Atlanta for a year while attending Morehouse College, there was an infectious spirit for the sons and daughters of Atlanta to succeed. Market Friday at Spelman College and ‘walking the strip’ gives a young black male a sense of arrival and pride in knowing that many opportunities are available to him through the sacrifices and trials of people…black, white, brown and all..

What does this have to do with Michael Vick?

Michael Vick was/is Atlanta’s son. In my opinion, people in Atlanta felt that they could relate to Vick in that he didn’t alienate himself from his community. Sure…he gave fans the middle finger; yet, he was not viewed as a pompous athlete that felt that he was above the community. Above the law? Sure, but not above the community. Atlanta wants to protect their fallen son from being ‘made an example of because of his celebrity’ or ‘demonized’ by strong opponents of Vick’s actions off the field.

Atlanta is a small microcosm of Black America. In my opinion, blacks aren’t seeking Michael Vick’s impunity, they are seeking his right to a fair trial. His celebrity makes him appealing. People like to feel as if they are part of something. The funny thing is that all the energy being used by PETA and supporters of Michael Vick can be used to solve the real problems surrounding this case: black males going to jail, blacks alienated from whites, people sensitive about the wrong things and America’s love for controversy.

1962

“The right of citizens of the United States to vote in any primary or other election for President or Vice President, for electors for President or Vice President, or for Senator or Representative in Congress, shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or any State by reason of failure to pay poll tax or other tax.”

People tend to forget that the right to vote was given only 45 years ago. Many blacks have justifiable reasons to believe that a government would betray a black male when social injustice in the polls only was made illegal. Many black people feel that Vick has been unjustly victimized and not given his fair due process. Many black people see the shortcomings of a justice system that has failed them when they look at Vick. They see a man who should not be acquitted; yet, allowed a second chance to enter back into society. Today, it was made public that Vick could be facing 40 years solely for state charges. For a person to lose 100 million and 40 years of their life when people normally only get 20 years for murder is an obscene injustice.

Sick of Michael Vick

I can respect that.

Think that Michael Vick is a grown man and should be responsible for his actions?

I can respect that.

Think that a dog is more important than human life?

Nah, can’t respect that.

Notre Dame Doesn’t Like Black People

Published by Amaysing1 on September 22, 2007 in Notre Dame and NCAA. 0 Comments

Michigan State 31, Notre Dame 14.

Could it be that Notre Dame has lost another football game this year? A football program that has produced more national titles and All-Americans than any other collegiate program has started 0-4? This can’t be true.

Maybe Notre Dame plays in a very tough conference…

Nope. They are independent and choose their schedule.

Notre Dame’s failures are based on one thing. I have done extensive research and I was able to pinpoint the exact reason why Notre Dame has been unable to win, let alone score touchdowns this year.

…Notre Dame sucks

Yep. That’s right. They suck. I find it funny. You should as well. Try it with me. Doesn’t it feel good to make fun of the overly hyped football program that gets rankings it doesn’t deserve and BCS appearances that have been taken from teams because they aren’t Notre Dame.

One other thing…Notre Dame lacks class.

Before the Charlie Weis offensive genius era, Tyrone Willingham was the coach of Notre Dame. Willingham, a graduate of Michigan State University probably was smiling from ear to ear today as Notre Dame was beat by his former alma mater.

Willingham, the only black coach in Notre Dame history, started his first season at Notre Dame going 8-0 beating #7 Michigan along the way. In addition, he became the only coach in the history of the school to win 10 games in his first season as a head coach. The next year, the team struggled to a 5-7 record; however, he recruited Brady Quinn and Jeff Samardzija who would go on to be the future offensive tandem of ND. The 2004 season ended with a 6-6 record, an Insight Bowl berth and a firing of the head coach two days after accepting the bowl bid. This was the first time that Notre Dame has ever fired a coach without letting him finish out his contract.

Notre Dame went on to recruit Urban Meyer to become its next coach. His team just went undefeated and he had a clause in his contract to leave if Notre Dame was to offer him a contract. Leaving Utah worked in Meyer’s favor as he went on to win a National Championship in only a few years…for Florida.

Ty knows Black People are loved in Washington

Notre Dame went on to sign Charlie Weis to as its head coach. Charlie Weis changed the offense to a Pro-style and went on to a 5-2 record. He was rewarded with a 10 year contract for 30-40 million. Keep in mind that Willingham went 8-0 his first year and he was rewarded with a couple ‘atta-boys’ and some rosaries from Touchdown Jesus.

Now, fast-forward to this year

(cues Demetrius Jones)

Demetrius Jones was the starting QB for Notre Dame in their season opener against Georgia Tech. Demetrius Jones threw a whopping three passes before he was unseated from his starting position by true freshman, Jimmy Clausen.

Charlie Weis spoke after the game about Clausen “He’s ready to run the offense,” Weis said. “If I didn’t think he was ready, I wouldn’t do this. He was always ready mentally. It’s just that his arm wasn’t a full-go until the end of last week. He had been getting reps all along. We just had been keeping him from overexerting himself.”

Kanye West knows that Notre Dame hates black people

Way to go in instilling confidence in your players. You get to throw the ball three times, lose your starting job and then hear your coach say that it was never yours in the first place. OH YEAH! That has to feel good. Needless to say, Demetrius transferred schools.

In closing, I ask you, I demand of you..all 5 readers, to grab your Notre Dame football schedules and root for the opponent. Do it, you know you want to.

Friday Amnesty: Five things I’ve done that I’m not entirely proud of

Published by flohtingPoint on September 21, 2007 in Friday Amnesty. 0 Comments

“I’m a loser baby, so why dont you kill me…” - Beck, Loser

Here at Horsetoothed, we pride ourselves on being the most consistent blog on the web. Our chest swell with pride each time someone accidentally visits our site and notices our five whole posts in five months (after doing the math, one can deduce that it comes out to one post per month, we are awesome).

Yes, all of you folks that typed “Breasts” or “Sex” into google and accidentally wound up here, if you were not immediately disgusted/disinterested, you were enthralled at our total lack of apathy regarding regular updates and our massive content archive. Shit, you mean we dont even have a fucking archive on our sidebar? Fuck you and your observant nature!

Anyway, I’m trying my hardest (ok, thats a lie, I honestly care so little about updating this shit that the only reason I’m doing it right now is because I have to look busy and cant sit at my desk motionless with my hand down my pants) to become semi-dedicated to updating this crap. With that in mind, I offer you the first in many editions of Friday Amnesty!!! Here I’ll list off all the dumb shit I’ve done in my life so you can read it and feel better about yourself at my expense. Sweet fucking deal huh?

Before I digress any further, here is this weeks list.

1) I once emptied all the soap out of a shampoo bottle and pissed in it

To make this worse, this bottle was located in the bathroom of our church’s pastor…

Hell yes its natural baby!
Hell yes its “natural” baby!

2) I once prank called the cops on my buddy’s Kermit the Frog phone and told them he was being raped…

Wooo, talk about a group of guys that cant take a joke! The cops also didnt appreciate being told they were acting childish by a 10 year old wearing a GO-BOTS t-shirt.


…tell social services that they dont use lube either!

3) I once punched myself in the face and blamed it on a kid in my class who said that the Arizona Cardinals suck.

Not only did I totally take the puss way out and NOT fight him, but it fucking hurt like hell. To add insult to injury, someone saw me doing this across the street and had themselves a hearty horsetoothed jackass laugh at my expense.


I was waaaay ahead of my time on this one…

4) I once got teary eyed during the ESPY promo for Brett Favre winning the game after his father died.

I didnt really think this one was bad. Scratch that, I didnt really think this one would come back to haunt me for the next fucking THREE YEARS. Amaysing likes to bring this up at least weekly.

floh: Man, the Saints are 0-2, whats up with that offense?
amaysing:Whats up with crying like a bitch about Brett Favre?


Fuck you and your frail ass body Majik Man!

5) Getting beat up by two girls in the 6th grade

Not only was this completely humiliating, but to make matters worse, I got detention and one of them got Student of the Month that month. If none of you read this blogIf none of you have ever had in school detention (or in school suspension in other regions of the country), you always get asked “What are you in for,” on your first day. Being an idiot, I told the truth, that two fat bitches beat me up because I informed them that, “Pudding probably isnt in your best interest as a dietary choice.”


You’ll be fuckin fighting fat chicks in no time!

The Saints Aren’t Coming (NFL Season Opener Bono Edition)

Published by Amaysing1 on September 7, 2007 in NFL. 0 Comments

“I am Jack’s angry Saints fan”

Tonight was supposed to be a night of epic proportions. Tonight was supposed to be the precursor to the SuperBowl. The Saints and the Colts were the preseason SuperBowl pics for many people.

Why’s that?

1. Because the Colts won the Superbowl last year and still have Manning/Saturday/Harrison/Wayne/Freeney/Sanders

2. Because the Saints played pretty well in a sub-par NFC and it feels right to support the city of New Orleans by supporting the football team (*rolls eyes)

Tonight was supposed to be special for me because I, being the Saints fan, was looking forward to seeing a football game with my hometeam in a market dominated by the Washington DC football team. I had plans with the lady first. We went to go check out the Musiq Soulchild concert while I had the game recorded on the DVR. I even recorded the news afterwards just in case the game went to overtime.

The concert was great. I would recommend it to anyone who has a girlfriend or spouse.

Nuff said…back to football.

I get home. The chicken sandwich and mashed potatoes are getting devoured as I start to watch the NFL Pre-game show.

Yeah, I recorded it all.

The pregame show was really lackluster. Kelly Clarkson performed first. I fast-forwarded. John Mellancamp performed. I fast-forwarded. Faith Hill came on. I asked the woman “Didn’t she used to be hot.” The woman replied “Yeah, she got old.” And that is that. Check it out for yourself. Before. After.

After the Pre-game show, it was time to watch some football.

Early on, I noticed several things:

1. Peyton Manning is going for a new all-time record for the amount of times that a man is shown in commercials during NFL games. It is kinda like two-three years ago with the Michael Vick Experience. Remember that guy. Here’s a link if you don’t.

2. Why the hell is the budweiser select song so damn catchy? I tried to youtube it for an example but this link is much better. It is a lingerie show for budweiser so be careful at work. This is the song btw. I am pretty sure that I don’t like the song but it is catchy as hell when it is on tv.

3. John Madden. I really don’t think I can take the guy seriously anymore. I just expect him at any time to go ‘GOT SERIOUS ATHLETE’S FOOT. BOOM! TOUGH ACTING TINACTIN’ during a critical play. Also, all the Madden 2008 plugs are shameless and he sold out Pat Summerall.

4. Reggie Bush - When did he become the leader of the Saints? I understand that he brought the winning mentality from USC but Drew Brees is the leader of the offense and is a great person to be the face of the franchise. *Note: Watch out for Bush’s old teammate, Lendale White, this year. I don’t expect him to suck two years in a row. If he does, at least he isn’t Jason White or Michigan football this week.

*could be worse Maurice Clarett face

The game ended on a miserable note. Colts won the game 41-10. I honestly was going to keep a running blog of the game as I went along but my team lost and I don’t care that much any more.

*Serena Williams sore loser face

I will accommodate and make my list of things that I loved and hated from the football game

Loved

1. Heroes commercial (Hayden Panettiere is legal and looking good regardless if my counterpart hates her or not)

2. Jessica Alba’a butt in commercial for new movie

3. Monica Bellucci in commercial for new movie

Hated

1. The outcome of the football game and not going for it at 4th and 1 when your team is down by 17 in the 4th against the Colts

2. Michael McKenzie

3. The fact that there was the nerve to praise Peyton Manning and him never getting sacked and no one ever points out that only one lineman made the Pro Bowl when he broke Marino’s TD record. Don’t believe me? Go check….I’ll wait

4. The softness of the Saints’ LB core

5. Tiki Barber’s teeth and eyebrows. Seriously, he looks like the monster from the Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer shows. (Barber/Bumble)

6. Keith Olbermann’s halftime segment sucked. It sucked badly. This was actually one of the moments that I anticipated to be very good. The chemistry was horrible for the entire CBS team at halftime.

7. Players with ties to New Orleans (Reggie Wayne/Peyton Manning/Joseph Addai) beating New Orleans

8. Not getting Deuce rolling with the running game

So take notes….The first game is done and over with. Remember if your team is losing, that commercials of beautiful women always cheer you up and that nothing is worse than being me typing this at 3AM when I should be sleeping and ready for work.

If all else fails, I hate you and no thank you for reading…

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