Folie a plusieurs: A rare psychiatric a rare psychiatric syndrome in which a symptom of psychosis (particularly a paranoid or delusional belief) is transmitted from one individual to many.

Regardless of sport, every year there is at least one person that folks go berserk over for little fucking good reason. Three years ago it was a backup forward named Marvin Williams out of UNC. Two years ago it was Reggie Bust Bush. Last year, JaMarcus Russell held that title and now this year his former teammate, Glenn Dorsey gets to wear the crown.

Folks, folks, take it from me, Marvin Williams, Yi Jan… Jon… Jay-guh-lang
has a bright career ahead of him.

I can count on one hand the number of “good” sportscasters there are out there. They are the kind that actually know their stuff. They can spew historical references and gush insightful knowledge in strategic analysis. These folk allow me to turn up the volume on my television and not hate myself afterward. Sadly, they are few and far between… Yes, the majority of individuals that make up the sportscasting/journalism/talk radio are your run of the mill morons that are barely smarter than the kid who wears a helmet in the back of the shortbus and sometimes eats boogers. They have little in the way of genuine ideas or statements and usually just regurgitate what the popular “water cooler” talk is in the sports world. You can blame these fuckfaces for the fame and infamy of every worthless piece of shit you’re tired of hearing about.

Take a trip back to 1991 with me. Freddie Mercury kicked the bucket from boning dudes and nabbing AIDS. Speaking of music, everytime you turn on the radio, you hear the bellow of a douchebag that three years later will put a shotgun in his mouth and seal Nirvana’s place in history as the most overrated shithole band ever. Operation Desert Storm got put into full gear as the USA prepared to make a big deal out of a totally lopsided battle (years later, Floridians will do the same thing when celebrating their crushing victory over Ohio State for the BCS title). In April, 70 tornadoes touched down in the central part of America, sadly not wiping out all of the Big-10 and Big-12, thus giving way to years upon years of more overrated football and basketball programs. Speaking of football, the University of Washington is geared up to run the table and take home the National Championship.

Freddie Mercury set the groundwork for Ganstalicious’ hit, “Do The Homie”

The 1991 Washington Huskies were never really the most competent offensive team. They were lead on that side of the ball by a pair of future flame outs named Billy Joe Hobert and Mark Burnell. While they didn’t choke away any triple overtime games like the 2007 LSU Tigers, it was more than evident that their defense was what put the hash marks in the win column each week. Steve Emtman anchored their defensive line as they punished opponents week in and week out, then went on to embarrass Michigan in the Rose Bowl (a couple months before Michigan would go on to get embarrassed by a bunch of white guys and Grant Hill in the NCAA Tournament). Emtman was the talk of the town and the sports nation, much like Glenn Dorsey was last year.

In 1992, the Fab Five were still a year away from Chris Webber calling an ill advised time out and Kurt Cobain was two years away from making the best news of the 90’s and ending shitass “grunge” music. The Indianapolis Colts held the rights to the first AND second pick in the draft that year, assuring the fact that Emtman would be theirs, along with A&M standout and future flame out, Quentin Coryatt. Things were looking up for the shitbag Colts and my Pop (a longtime Colts fan) was all smiles. I’ll never forget helping him paint the house while watching the Dolphins play Indy and hearing my Father cheer as Emtman picked off Dan Marino and ran it back 90 yards for a touchdown, sealing the win for the Colts. All was well, until Emtman obliterated his knee, wound up making an ass out of Indy and sending his career into a downward spiral that would rival that of a kamikaze pilot.

All of this previous season in Div 1a college football, anytime anyone mentioned defense, Glenn’s name was brought up. Even though Glenn was enabled pretty much useless after a chop block kicked the shit out of him during a match against Auburn, he gimped away with the Outland and Lombardi trophies. If this were a world where common sense prevails, one would be inclined to deduce that Dorsey won those mainly due to the fact that he played in the SEC, at LSU and the atrocious hype that followed him combined with the ignorance of voters. Luckily, we live in a world jam packed with dumbfucks, so lets throw that logic out and call Dorsey what everyone else wants to call him, the best lineman prospect in the draft. To quote Iron Maiden, “Woe to you oh earth and sea, for the Devil sends the beast with wrath, because he knows the time is short…” Translation: You’re fucked if you draft this fragile motherfucker, because he’ll fall apart quickly, taking your cash with him.

You can’t blame Indianapolis for taking Emtman first overall, it was the no brainier choice and they had no idea that an injury plagued career was soon to follow. You can, however, blame any fuckstick dumb enough to choose a battered lineman that looked less like a top 5 overall pick and more like Quazzimoto hobbling around the field at the seasons end. Said team will feel extra stupid if THIS becomes a bigger issue too. Buyer beware and prepare an incentive laden contract instead of forking a bunch of stupidass money over to someone who’s going to crap out quicker than Dejuan Wagner.

Fuck Tuesday, I’m out!